the envelopes

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds four envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered one to three.

He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."

The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.

Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast.

After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes. So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing." Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.

A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything." It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.

A month later, the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new

hard work!!

the best policy-wat's it??

Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times
have you cheated on your wife?"


The first one answers "Never!"St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven.


The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times."
He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way.


The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a bicycle.

A few months later, the three meet up .. The Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two query him as to "why the sad face?".


Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

earring!

A man is at work one day when he notices that his coworker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his coworker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." So he walks up to his coworker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

great bar!!!

A Scotsman, American and Irishman are in a bar.
They are having a good time and they all agree the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

first day in class

A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves.

The first child stands and says, "My name is Mary Johnson."

"Thank you, Mary," says the teacher.

The second student says, "My name is Sam Smith."

"Thank you, Sam."

The third student says, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour."The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed.

He replies, "Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don't believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is."

So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class and asks, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One boy stands in the back of the room and says, "Hell, no! We don't even get a nap hour in here!"

Talkin too much

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good -- mostly As and a couple of Bs.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."