A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer: Do you have a locker room in the police station -- a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room...
Friday, May 19, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
short story!!
Bunty happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.Bunty's turn came after many attempts by others. Bunty gave a story, which was just one sentence and read :
"Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Bunty replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh God : religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver a child : suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers.
Bunty replied : who is the father ??
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.Bunty's turn came after many attempts by others. Bunty gave a story, which was just one sentence and read :
"Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Bunty replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh God : religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver a child : suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers.
Bunty replied : who is the father ??
Zipper down
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open.
His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss, I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires."
His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss, I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires."
bull auction!!
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's almost once a day! How about you?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!"
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's almost once a day! How about you?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!"
the envelopes
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds four envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered one to three.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes. So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing." Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything." It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes. So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing." Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything." It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new
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